People in love make me want to vomit
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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