What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Found the puke drawer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize