Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
