so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
