I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
