just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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