i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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