Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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