They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
