the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
