When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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