here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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