remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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