Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
