guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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