I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
