Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize