he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
