the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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