i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize