Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
