Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
