No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
