I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
