You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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