I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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