there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
