if you like me you must not know who I am
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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