So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
