my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
