I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
