Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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