Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
