Where are you?
In a non slutty way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
