Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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