Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
