my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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