I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize