Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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