non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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