vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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