Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
