his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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