I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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