Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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