problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
