DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
