And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
