i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
