I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
