I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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