How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
