I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
