Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
