just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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