The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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