If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
