You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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