Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
