I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize