Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
