I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize