Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
