Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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