I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
are you so shy because you have an std?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
