So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
