You're so nebulous sometimes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
