she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize