Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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