I cockslap morals
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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