My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
