I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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