I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
