she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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